


Holding on

by The_secret_fangirl



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Anxious Aziraphale (Good Omens), Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Aziraphale (Good Omens), M/M, Post-Apocalypse, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-17 01:08:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28591524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_secret_fangirl/pseuds/The_secret_fangirl
Summary: Aziraphale is worried Crowley won't stay with him if they don't have sex. He pushes himself too far.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 90





	Holding on

After averting Armageddon and having dinner at the Ritz, Aziraphale and Crowley had once again ended up in the back room of the bookshop. Slightly tipsy but still very aware of what he was doing, Crowley had gradually shifted towards the angel. His lean fingers had come to rest on the thigh of a very flustered Aziraphale and Crowley's head had swayed closer to his companion, eventually reaching his lips. After a moment of shock, Aziraphale had responded to the kiss, pulled back and sighed in content while staring into serpentine eyes.

That had been some weeks ago, and Aziraphale was still unable to restrain the dopey smile on his face at the memory. He wanted to laugh and cry and scream from happiness. The couple had gone on more excursions than ever before, Crowley happy to fulfil Aziraphale's every wish, and Aziraphale had spent many hours staring at the sleeping form of his beloved on the sofa.

So yes, Aziraphale was happy, but he was also anxious and careful about his every move, more than even at the airbase, facing their respective sides. Even during the perfect moments of tranquillity between them, his brain was preoccupied with the distressing doubt that Crowley would leave someday, that he would decide that Aziraphale wasn't what he wanted anymore or had ever wanted. Aziraphale's plain and timid demeanour wasn't ideal for catching the attention of a demon, at least in any positive way. Keeping Crowley interested was the truly challenging feat. They were on their own side these days, but Aziraphale might be left standing alone.

Now that they didn't have to pretend to dislike each other, Crowley had been spending less and less time at his Mayfair flat. He had mastered the art of lounging around the shop until Aziraphale couldn't help but give the demon the attention he so desperately desired. Currently, Aziraphale was sitting across the demon's lap, his hands feeling the warm skin of Crowley's neck. Crowley had one of his hands on Aziraphale's lower back while the other moved back and forth over his side. His lips were busy with making the angel pant and blush.  
"Such a pretty face," Crowley whispered while peppering kisses anywhere he could reach. Aziraphale had been on cloud nine until the demon's hand started travelling downwards, so close to his crotch it was most improper.

"Oh, good lord," Aziraphale exhaled, slightly hysterical, his heartbeat picking up. His hands were getting sweaty, and his mind was going through thousands of thoughts in rapid succession. Aziraphale could always feel dread at the pit of his stomach when Crowley's hands started to wander, but so far that's where they had stopped. Crowley would eventually go back to toying with his phone or ruminating his next little prank.

Maybe it was the poor weather, the unusual number of customers invading his space today or the fact that the waiter at the restaurant had had a mischievous glint in his eyes when he'd looked at Crowley that had set Aziraphale on edge. Nevertheless, he had a strong urge to show the demon that he could be what he desired, whatever that was. He gripped Crowley's shoulders a bit harder, and with a swing of his hips, he was straddling the other's waist.

Crowley's eyebrows shot up, and his hands instinctively came to rest on the soft hips of his partner. Aziraphale drew him into another kiss and pushed their chests together. He put his hands above Crowley's shoulders on the back of the sofa. Now that he'd acted on his impulse, he wasn't quite sure what he was supposed to do. No amount of reading could've prepared Aziraphale for the angular body under him. He wasn't even sure if Crowley had done this before though he had questions about certain artists over the years.

Aziraphale's hand on the back of the sofa slipped. He ungraciously knocked his head against Crowley's chin and shifted further into his lap. The demon made a strangled sound when their hips connected, which encouraged Aziraphale to do it again. He miracled away the throbbing pain on his forehead from the collision.

"Can I?" Crowley asked while fiddling with the buttons of Aziraphale's waistcoat. The angel nodded. They managed to keep up some sort of rhythm as the coat, waistcoat and shirt made their exit. It wasn't... uncomfortable exactly, Aziraphale mused. Though he had manifested an Effort centuries ago, he couldn't seem to feel the same thrill as Crowley. He was just idly rocking back and forth while studying the freckles on the redhead's face.

Aziraphale gasped as a cool finger grazed his nipple, more from surprise than pleasure. He grabbed the hand and pulled it to his trousers' button. It was now or never. Crowley's eyes flickered up to Aziraphale's face before slowly moving down, taking everything in before he got to work. The sound of the zipper was deafening in the quiet room. Aziraphale had to keep reminding himself that it was for Crowley. His trousers were pulled to his knees, and slitted pupils became fixated on the outline in his underwear. For Crowley. A hesitating, slowly moving hand moved to soothingly rub the skin above his waistband. For Crowley. Golden eyes locked with his. Aziraphale had to duck his head and bury it in the crook of his demon's neck. He couldn't see Aziraphale like this. Weak. Foolish. Unable to accomplish the thing that humans had been writing, singing, and talking nonstop about for millennia.

For Crowley. Aziraphale moved his shaking fingers to the buttons of Crowley's vest.

"Angel?" Crowley asked. "What's going on? You've been really quiet."

The trembling of Aziraphale's naked shoulders had nothing to do with the chill of autumn.

"Hey, hey, love, I'm here," Crowley's voice wobbled. He started to rub reassuring circles on his partner's back. "Are you having second thoughts about all this? It's fine; we can be friends, or acquaintances, whatever you want. I'm going too fast again, I'm sorry-"

Aziraphale put a hand on the demon's cheek. His eyes were red, and he had a hard time maintaining eye contact, which didn't help Crowley's panic.

"I feel terrible for misleading you. I-, I don't think I can do this."

A tear made its way down Crowley's cheek despite his best efforts to keep a brave face.

"But you'll find someone else. You're so clever and handsome and more than I could ever hope for," Aziraphale continued with a pained look on his face.

"Then why do you-"

"They'll be able to... satisfy _all_ your desires, my dear."

"What? But you already do that!" Crowley let out an indignant shout, more confused than ever before. He'd thought they'd made it past all the barriers. Defied Heaven and Hell, let go of the old and started building something new. But of course, Aziraphale could never get over his damned soul that would never feel the love of God again.

"I already told you, Crowley, I can't do this. I'm sure you think I'm a silly prudish angel but-" Tears were starting to fall again from Aziraphale's pale blue eyes.

"Prudish? Oh, angel," Crowley said with an underlying hint of remorse. "We don't have to have sex."

"But it's the least I can do. It's what you should expect from me. Otherwise, I'm useless." Crowley's brow furrowed, and he was violently shaking his head.

"I could be doing anything else. I don't need it, and you have no obligation," Crowley said sternly. "We can keep doing the things we've always done, y'know, walking in the park or me staring at you at restaurants while you make that sinful noise."

Seeming to have calmed down a bit, Aziraphale wiped away the moistness from his cheeks.

"I hope you're comfortable with me saying that," Crowley added, once again hesitant. The hopeful smirk stayed on his face.

"I don't mind the idea, dear boy, being desired, but it's just when we're like this," Aziraphale explained, fingers wiggling in the air, after taking a moment to collect his thoughts. His cheeks were a rosy shade, and he had grabbed Crowley's hands to caress them between his own.

"I understand," Crowley replied with the softest look the Earth had ever seen in the 6000 years of its existence. "You haven't misled me, and you can change your mind at any time. I won't be mad. I'll stay by your side in whatever way you'll have me."

Now that he'd started, the words were flowing out of him.

"We have to talk about this. Y'know, _feelings_." Aziraphale nodded with a little smile on his lips at the faux disgust Crowley still insisted on when discussing anything soft. "You can tell me anything you like or don't like. Is hugging okay?"

"Yes, please, darling," Aziraphale sighed, his body finally relaxing. His arms circled the demon's middle and his head rested on his chest. With a snap of Crowley's fingers, Aziraphale's clothes were back on and they were covered by a soft white blanket. Now Crowley's hands on him only brought comfort.

They had been curled around each other on the sofa for some time when Aziraphale moved his head up from the demon's chest where he'd been listening to the technically unnecessary heartbeat.

"So, you won't leave?"

"Never, angel. Not in a million years, and not even after that."

**Author's Note:**

> I've gone back to my old interests to get through the holidays.  
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
